Comfort in the Uncomfortable

It's been two months and three days since I left home. Two months since I packed my Beetle to the brim. Two months since my mom and I made the eight-hour drive back to Azusa where I would begin a new chapter in my life: grad school.

I knew the transition would be difficult. I would be living on my own, working, meeting school deadlines, maintaining friendships back home and rekindling friendships down here, all the while trying to take care of myself.

There have been many moments of doubt, moments when I second-guess my decision to return to school. It was easier back home. I had work and financial stability. I had much more freedom (it's amazing how much less free time you have when you live on your own). I created new friendships with coworkers and established stronger bonds with old friends. I had my parents at an arms-length away from me rather than miles.

Life was much easier at home. More comfortable. But unsatisfying.

It was a life I knew that God wasn't calling me to.

*****

The first time I realized that God was calling me out of my comfort zone was when I found out I would have to travel eighteen hours to Mongolia for a mission trip.

Alone.

When the program coordinator for this trip told me this and asked me if that was okay, I told him "Of course!" In truth, my mind was reeling. I had never been on an airplane for that long nor had I been that far from home. As the weeks crept closer to my departure, fear continuously trickled into my heart and before I knew it, I was overfilled with it.

It wasn't until I came to my pastor asking for prayer that I really felt peace about leaving. The fear, the worry, the stress of it all was still there but the peace I was given in that moment quieted all the negative emotions I felt. And in that peace, I knew that God would be with me.

*****

"Be strong and courageous... the Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Deuteronomy 31:7b-8

Just as he went before me when I traveled to Mongolia, he goes before me now, paving the way as I trust him in this season.

Despite all my doubts, fears, and stress in this transition, the Lord has blessed me beyond reason. I thrive in my grad school classes. My family supports me. I continue to build upon the foundation of strong friendships back home and here. I have a job where I am more loved and appreciated than I could ever imagine.  I have a roof over my head. A bed to sleep in. Food to eat.

My cup overflows.

With peace.

With joy.

With love.

Change can be messy and uncomfortable. It's easy to be discouraged and focus on the doubts, the worry, the stress. But thank goodness we have a God that goes before us, that will not forsake us, that grants us peace when our minds scream otherwise and showers us with comfort in the uncomfortable.